“Sometimes while I meditate, I can
feel a tremendous flow of loving-kindness
within me. When spreading this lovingkindness
and good wishes limitlessly
to everyone and everywhere, I can feel
the warm-heartedness that it creates.
Meditation has helped me find lovingkindness,
healing, and peace.”
My name is Pat Goski. I am a 52 year-old
American working as a registered nurse. I was
raised in the Catholic tradition, converted to a
more fundamental type of Christianity and have
studied the Bible extensively. I was relatively
happy with my life and family and had a stable
career. Then, on 27 November, 2004, my beloved
son was killed in an accident. It was such a great
loss that it was impossible to describe the depth
of pain which I experienced! I felt as though a
nuclear bomb had exploded in my life, and there
I was, standing alone in the devastation of what
‘used to be’ my life. As though losing my beloved
child was not enough, I lost two jobs over the
course of eight months. I lost my income and
several friends, and was almost kicked out of my
residence. My life was filled with tears, pain and
devastation. During this very difficult time, I
continued to pray and meditate occasionally.
In the beginning of 2005, someone urged
me to meditate consistently, saying that he
believed meditation would be the key to my
healing. Indeed, it was. The following summer,
I was referred to the Dhammakaya meditation
center in New Jersey.
Upon my arrival at the New Jersey
Meditation Center, the monks were already
reciting their evening chantings. (It was a
Tuesday night, - one of the two times per week
that a guided meditation in English was offered
to the public.) As soon as I sat down, I felt like
I had returned to my true home.
From that day onwards, I continued meditating
and began to have an interest in Buddhism.
I started meditation in a simple way, sitting
in a relaxed and comfortable posture, keeping
my eyes closed, easily and gently. I felt serene
and relaxed. By just following the voice of the
venerable one, I was happy. A smile appeared
on my face automatically. If thoughts intruded
during the meditation, I repeated the mantra
“Samma Arahang” in my mind.
Within seconds,
I was again serene and calm. It was so calming
that I felt like everything around me was clear
and transparent. I felt so inexplicably happy!
Often, I felt as though I was being ‘drawn’ deeper
inside of myself. The deeper I went, the clearer
everything became! I ‘let it be’, and saw myself
turn into a bright crystal and clear body. The
clear body was ‘me’, and I was the clear image.
I later realized that I was not the crystal body
image, but a clear living being! Over time, this
clear living being, became even clearer, and the
light which surrounded and permeated this clear
being grew brighter and brighter! In this state
there were no boundaries of being, but a feeling
of ‘expansiveness’, and of being connected with
all living things in the world. I felt comfort, love
and serenity – a condition that was so beautiful
and still! As I continued meditating, there was more
and more clarity. It was as though I was in clear
water. I was transparent, and there was brightness
within me. I was a clear living being. I started
to feel the Dhammakaya image that was clear and bright.
At the beginning, there was a tiny
Dhammakaya image at the center of my body, and
I later found that I was inside the Dhammakaya
image as a successive inner body. Later, I found
myself disappearing and becoming one with the clarity.
I currently meditate almost every day, and
each meditation lasts around 40 minutes. I sit on
a chair or my bed. Sometimes while I meditate,
I can feel a tremendous flow of loving-kindness
within me. When spreading the loving-kindness
and good wishes limitlessly to everyone and
everywhere, I can feel the warm-heartedness that it creates.
Meditation has helped me find lovingkindness, healing, and peace.
The Dhammakaya International Meditation Center is a refuge
in times of crisis. For me, being able to
experience that life within reminds me of a
Christian Bible verse, which says that “the
Kingdom of heaven is within you”, or, as Luang
Phaw Dhammajayo would say,
“the Heaven or Nirvana within”.
For those among you who are new to the
practice of meditation, I would like to encourage
you to continue your practice, and not be
discouraged. In the beginning, it may be very
difficult to quieten your mind, but I assure you
that with continued practice, you will experience
the wonderful stillness, healing, and vibrant life,
which is available to you during meditation. The
‘natural-minded’ man looks for miracles outside
of himself, but the greatest of miracles is ‘within’ you.
"We Are One With Meditation"
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